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I haven't written anything here in over a week. I did get the living room deep-
cleaned and de-
cluttered, but I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed...everywhere I look I see something that needs improvement or something I want to change. My mental list of stuff to buy has been growing longer and longer, and my dissatisfaction seems to be increasing. I look around me and see the things that a few years ago that I
just had to have as in "if I buy these bookcases, the dining room will be perfectly organized"....and "this brown shag rug will be the perfect addition to the living room"...and "if I buy this computer desk then all my problems with organizing paperwork will be solved." Now the bookshelves make me feel claustrophobic and the brown rug seems to suck the life out of the room, and of course the computer desk is piled with crap and blocking my chi. I will slog through this week of de-cluttering the office space (trying to figure out where in the world to relocate it so that I can open up the door between the hall and my bedroom.)
Yesterday I went to Target and loaded my cart up with the perfect lamp and the perfect bedspread and the perfect pillows, and walked all around the store....and then I put it all back. I am going on a moratorium of purchasing things until I really get myself through the deep treatment, and then I will go back through the cure and really decide what purchases are necessary. I think I am finally getting it now... buying more stuff does not really fix the core issues, and
not buying stuff might make my life more perfect. Not so much of a revelation as a realization (I mean it's not rocket science) I guess I'm a hypocrite because these are messages I have always espoused to my children, I just never convinced myself....in my own heart that it's not the stuff that makes you happy. I have read so many books on the subject that I could write one myself (of course I
bought all of those books and have them stacked on my cluttered dining room shelves and piled on my messy desk.) Practice what you preach, woman.
Note: the above photo of an ant's head was taken by my 8-year old son, using my old 1980's toy microscope and a digital camera for a school science project...we do have lots of fun and my life isn't as terrible as this blog sometimes makes it seem. I just need to remind myself of that.