I haven't written anything here in over a week. I did get the living room deep-
cleaned and de-cluttered, but I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed...everywhere I look I see something that needs improvement or something I want to change. My mental list of stuff to buy has been growing longer and longer, and my dissatisfaction seems to be increasing. I look around me and see the things that a few years ago that I just had to have as in "if I buy these bookcases, the dining room will be perfectly organized"....and "this brown shag rug will be the perfect addition to the living room"...and "if I buy this computer desk then all my problems with organizing paperwork will be solved." Now the bookshelves make me feel claustrophobic and the brown rug seems to suck the life out of the room, and of course the computer desk is piled with crap and blocking my chi. I will slog through this week of de-cluttering the office space (trying to figure out where in the world to relocate it so that I can open up the door between the hall and my bedroom.)
Yesterday I went to Target and loaded my cart up with the perfect lamp and the perfect bedspread and the perfect pillows, and walked all around the store....and then I put it all back. I am going on a moratorium of purchasing things until I really get myself through the deep treatment, and then I will go back through the cure and really decide what purchases are necessary. I think I am finally getting it now... buying more stuff does not really fix the core issues, and not buying stuff might make my life more perfect. Not so much of a revelation as a realization (I mean it's not rocket science) I guess I'm a hypocrite because these are messages I have always espoused to my children, I just never convinced myself....in my own heart that it's not the stuff that makes you happy. I have read so many books on the subject that I could write one myself (of course I bought all of those books and have them stacked on my cluttered dining room shelves and piled on my messy desk.) Practice what you preach, woman.
Note: the above photo of an ant's head was taken by my 8-year old son, using my old 1980's toy microscope and a digital camera for a school science project...we do have lots of fun and my life isn't as terrible as this blog sometimes makes it seem. I just need to remind myself of that.
4 comments:
I look around me and see the things that a few years ago that I just had to have...
And then you get to do the whole shame thing of "What was I THINKING to spend money on THAT, when I didn't love it forever?"! Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.
Thing is, many (if not all) of those purchases DID solve problems at the time. They may even have looked fabulous -- styles change, tastes change. (Your home always looks lovely in the photos, so I'm betting some Fabulous happened.)
Watch out for the AT Guilt My Decor Has Not Made My Life Perfect, Oops! I Didn't Buy Only Three Perfect Things, All Locally Handmade By Native Peoples Who Are Also Single Mothers Living With Diabetes & Passing On Precious Local Traditions While Using Only Recycled Materials Syndrome.
I nearly had a meltdown in a Mexican import store on Sunday because they had something similar to the plant pot I'd given up and ordered online the day before, and I was consumed with guilt for not buying locally as part of a meaningful experience of seeking out the perfect plant pot. And the husband's looking at me, muttering, "It's a plant pot. It's just a plant pot."
It makes sense to put off purchases so that you can make an all-at-once decision on a unified bedroom... but don't beat yourself up for not having gotten it perfect the first time.
The book does make the point (I think in Week 5, in fact) that sometimes, as you declutter your posessions, you also end up decluttering your previous approach to purchasing. Which is a good thing, for most of us.
As I constantly have to remind myself, "perfect" would be nice, but "better" is actually possible.
"Perfect" is a trap. An insidious, sneaky, all-consuming trap. Beware of it.
As Wende says, those things you purchased a few years ago were right at the time. Something else may be "right" for now, but it doesn't have to be "perfect" for all time. Allow yourself to relax and enjoy the process of finding out what you want your home to be, and how you want to be able to "be" in it. From that, you'll know better what things are "right" for now.
I love, love, love Wende's description of AT Guilt!! Dare I say, "perfect"??!!
Oh, it is "perfect"! And that's why I love Wende. Her aim with the word hammer is nearly always true.
I've bought the t-shirt as well--and decluttered it. Bought it again in a different colour: and decluttered it. It's truly a process. It can take years to really get that "stuff" isn't going to fix anything, really. And we're assaulted on every side with the opposite message. "Buy this and your life will be fine!" AT just changes the tune a wee bit, as Wende noted.
You are not alone in this. Not at all. There's a whole bunch of great women at www.organizedhome.com who battle the declutter demons and help each other along. I highly recommend it.
I've sort of worked myself into a sort of paralysis as well. The cure helps me get unstuck a bit by making me create a vision. Reality in the form of limited funds always hurts of course, cause, you know, if we could afford what I really wanted, then life would be perfect!
Keep cleaning and decluttering! And stay in touch.
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