granny dot

My Granny Dot kept her home spotless. She vacuumed and dusted daily. You would never find an object out of place or a dirty dish in the sink. Her home smelled of wonderful food, Murphy's and Febreeze. You could "eat off the kitchen floor." Granny Dot was not a warm and fuzzy grandmother....she didn't much care for hugs or kisses. She wasn't very patient with little children and the messes that follow them. She worked very hard her entire life...raised 4 daughters and a son after her husband died suddenly, leaving her a widow at 38. She was a ward secretary for the hospital, and knew absolutely everything about every doctor in town. If someone in the family was sick, they'd call Granny Dot for a referral to the very best doctor for any given ailment (and they'd get a rundown on the doctor's personal life too). As a timid child, I was quite frightened by Granny's gruff exterior and strict ways, and (though I hate to admit it) I dreaded visiting her house--where children should be seen and not heard, and you couldn't sit on the furniture or touch any of the beautiful porcelain birds and flowers that graced every polished, doily-covered surface. Sometimes she would wind up a musical one for us to listen to, but mostly, we had to sit and be still and quiet. I did not think she liked me much.

As I grew to an adult and spent more time with my grandmother, we got to know each other better, and I grew to understand her life from a different perspective. I learned about her childhood during the depression, and her difficult marriage to my alcoholic grandfather, who would come home on Friday, lock himself in a room and drink non-stop until Sunday. I learned about her deep struggles with depression--so paralyzing that she had electroshock treatments, and once spent months away from her children. As a mother of 4 children myself, I came to understand how hard it was for her to have 4 children within 4 years and the 5th child just a few years later, so that she had 5 children under the age of 9. When her husband died, she had to go to work, and she worked very hard--sometimes working 2 jobs--to raise her children. She did not have an easy life. We shared a deep love of books, and she would read voraciously and pass her favorites on to me. She had an amazing deadpan sense of humor (that I just never understood as a child) When I introduced her to a boyfriend she would size them up immediately, and not one passed muster....but when Joe came into my life, she adored him and knew before I did that he was the one. She was a wealth of advice about marriage and children. I learned that she loved me.

She mellowed a bit as she grew older, and it was a joy for me to see how she welcomed my children into her home. Though she still was not physically demonstrative with her affection, my kids looked forward to visiting Granny Dot, where they could find sparkling bowls of candy in every room and the best okra soup and pimento cheese sandwiches on earth. She was genuinely interested in hearing about their accomplishments in school, and she had framed pictures of them all over her house. They did not have to sit like little porcelain statues and be perfect and quiet.

Granny Dot died yesterday. I admire her strength of personality and her steadfast devotion to her children. I understand why she was such a tough cookie. I will always hold her in my heart, and I will place one of her precious musical porcelain birds on my shelf so I can think of her--but I will let my children touch it, and wind it up if they want to. I want them to know they were precious to her also.